September 15, 2010
Meeting night!!!! I had to miss last weeks support group because Melanie was sick. Boo to that!
I guess I missed a lot last week. (remember these are only nicknames b/c I can't give out real names) "Walk-out" had her boyfriend come last week! How wonderful. She says it made her relationship better. What a blessing :) A new member "Wife" joined our group last week. Her husband came with her. He is the one with the mental illness... she is his support.
This week was a good meeting (mostly). "Wife" came alone. She is focused on helping her husband even when he is not able to make it. Apparently he was drunk. Not good for a mental illness patient. "Car" brought her husband tonight!!!!! He finally made it here from Texas with their son!!!! "Car" seemed kind of glowy tonight because her hubby was there. "Car"'s mom was watching their son so it was a little odd not having her their. She is a wonderful lady who always thanks group members for sharing stories. "Car" has now been riding in the back seats of cars that have a child lock on them so she won't (or can't) jump out. It's not getting any better but she says she feels safer in the back now. Progress???
"Homeless" was moved into a mens shelter :) He says it's better than the hotel except all the rules you have to follow. He seemed a little happier tonight even though he says he has been more manic and panic-y lately.
A gentleman joined our group tonight (doubtful he will be back next week). He started off by ranting that he is just looking for a place to fit in. Yay! We love outsiders!!!! Oh... but he doesn't have a mental illness... um... wrong place dude! He kept quiet most of the night until the end. A young girl and her mom were talking about their week and he chimed in that we are ALL starting our stories from the middle and he wants to know the 1st chapter (???) and he advised that she go off her meds and maybe take a look at her home life to make herself "better"!!!!! "Wife" was done with him. She let him know that mental illness isn't something that is environmental... but... mental. Then he started in on how something had to make each of us the way we are and that doctors are only trying to make money off of us and blah blah blah. I finally had enough too. I asked him how he thought mine was environmental?? I come from a good family, good parents, good sister, I have been given almost anything I have wanted in life, I'm educated, working, a good parent, no drugs, no alcohol, no lazy-dazy sex and for the most part I have a great life. How did all of that "make" me have a mental illness? I told him that I have had this since birth. Misdiagnosed as a child. Told to calm down, sit down, too hyper, talks to fast, insomniac.... all to find out at 33 I am Bipolar. I asked him to explain 33 years of bad choices (not usually made with an all there mind). He just sat there blank looking. Everyone else clapped. I wasn't looking for people to clap, but they did. How dare he make the assumption that I can control this without my meds. This was literally the last moment of the meeting. Scott called the meeting at 830 and we all started to leave. Scott (I can call him by his name because he is our leader... not a patient) said he was sorry I couldn't speak more. No biggie. I got a lot out of listening tonight. :) "Walk-out" made progress this week!!! She was able to recognize a panic attack coming and was able to leave the situation with no freak out!!! Yay for her!!!
I went to the doctor today. I told him I like the changes on this dreadful medicine so he left the dosage and Mg's as is. He added Zoloft for my newly diagnosed SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder). It's odd... but I didn't know it had a name until a few weeks ago. Luckily this one is a disorder and not an illness!!!!! ha ha ha. I am hoping that the new medicine takes the edge off social situations and I can start enjoying myself again. I told him that aside from the SAD I do get panic attacks. Mild to moderate ones... but they are getting worse with age. The Zoloft should help with that too. So... I'm 2/3 into a Bipolar cocktail. The new med can be used to treat depression but not typically with Bipolar depression. So if I do ever need an anti-depression pill, I will have to take something else. That would complete my cocktail. There is certainly no drinking alcohol now. But I still want to. A lot.
My side effects are getting annoying. I feel like my body is the Willy Wonka factory! Every few days it's something new and silly or unusual. I gained back some of the weight I had lost. Boo. But I am going to start back on cutting back on food again. My chest has gotten bigger... that would be a bonus if I wanted a bigger chest... but I was happy before hand. Hmmm... maybe that will go away too.
I can't wait until next weeks meeting. Sad, but I look forward to them now. I'm part of a group that most people don't understand... but I'm happy there and they seem happy to have me there. Yay for group!
Disney trip is coming up in a few weeks. Excited beyond belief. Can't wait to see my nieces!!!!! We are going to MNSSHP and I hope the new anxiety med will have kicked in by then. Not too sure how "well" I'm going to be with the crowds and the costumes. Should be interesting... last year was overwhelming but I made it through!
Side note... Crazy is a bad word. People shouldn't use it to describe other people. It's offensive. I used to not think so... but now it irritates me. Just sayin'.
