I haven't written in a while because I just felt like I was not going anywhere with what I said.
But I feel the need to keep up with my thoughts today.
I have been feeling very manic lately. Trying to control the mania is becoming a full time job. Are the pills not working anymore? I don't feel like I did before the pills, I still feel like I have some control... but I am slowly losing that control.
I am paranoid. I know I am. I know the paranoia is getting worse. Is this a symptom of Bipolar or of something else? So many websites say it is... and then so many say it isn't. Where is the truth. How do I stop this? I feel the paranoia all day long but it seems much worse at night. Racing thoughts all night. Never ending thoughts. Most times I wish they would just shut up and leave me alone. I'm trying so hard to get to an even level and these damn racing thoughts are not helping. I've looked up how to stop paranoid thoughts and haven't had much luck. Is this what my life is going to be like? I was just begining to think I was normal. A feeling I hadn't had in over a decade. Now I'm back to thinking I'm crazy. Not using the word lightly... really crazy. Taking deep breaths... not helping. No TV when I sleep... not helping. Medication... not helping. There has to be an answer out there.
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